A few weeks ago, my beautiful friends Mark and Miranda got engaged. They are extraordinary people and a wonderful match, and I am excited for them as they embark on this adventure of a lifetime together. And while I’m more interested the wedding itself and their plans for the future, yes, I did notice the jaw-droppingly gorgeous ring on Miranda’s finger.

My surrender to the allure of diamonds annoys me. While jewelry of all kinds is a favorite status symbol in the Western world, in America especially diamonds are in a class of their own. Diamond stud earrings are considered a fashion staple, a diamond necklace is marketed as the “go-to” anniversary gift, and the diamond engagement ring is all but obligatory. Touted as the symbol of eternal love and described with phrases like “fiery brilliance” and “as everlasting as your love”, diamonds are the most ubiquitous rare gem in the American marketplace. And the most fascinating thing about diamonds is that they really aren’t all that rare. They are, however, one of the most brilliant examples of marketing of all time.

As minerals go, diamond is in fact pretty interesting. Diamond is compressed carbon, the fundamental element of life. That alone is a pretty romantic notion. Furthermore, diamond is the hardest substance known. In geological terms, hardness defines a substance’s resistance to being scratched, and the true nature of diamond’s hardness is undefined, because it can only be tested against itself. It is amazingly dense, repels water, and has the highest rate of reflectance of any transparent substance.

So it isn’t that diamond isn’t interesting. It’s fair to say it is unique geologically, and it’s also fair to say that it’s pretty. But its unparalleled status in the minds and hearts of Americans is not a result of its chemistry or its beauty, but of pure marketing genius.

The giving of engagement rings is a centuries old tradition. Emperor Maximilian I gave his wife Mary a diamond ring upon their betrothal in the 15^th century, and the rest, as they say, is history. Traditions die hard, especially where love is concerned, so it’s unsurprising that diamond engagement rings are as highly prized in the 21^st century. But what if diamonds weren’t very expensive? Is it actually the somewhat romantic chemical properties of diamond that so draws in consumers? Is it actually their beauty, when cubic zirconium looks pretty dang similar? Or is it their extravagance, their apparent rarity?

The De Beers Diamond Trading Company certainly wants to keep diamonds expensive. They have monopolized the market for over 100 years, artificially controlling supply to keep diamonds rare. Their scheme of stockpiling gems and orchestrating a massive advertising campaign has kept the industry running like a well-oiled machine for decades.

While the artificiality of the rarity of diamonds is a bit annoying, it is actually the aspect of the industry which bothers me the least. For a symbol of eternal love, diamonds carry a lot of negative baggage.

The most pressing problem is of course, conflict diamonds. Thrust into the public eye with the 2006 film Blood Diamond, conflict diamonds have been used to fund devastating wars in Sierra Leone and Angola. While De Beers and other industry leaders claim to have abolished any illegal doings in their mining processes, it is hard to tell what is truth and what is carefully crafted propaganda.

The current focal point of diamond conflict is Zimbabwe. Diamond smuggling is becoming an increasing aid to Robert Mugabe’s stronghold on the presidency, as more diamond mines are coming under military control and stones are smuggled out of the country by the bucket load. The Kimberly Process, the diamond industry’s regulatory body, has thus far done nothing effective towards reversing situation which is ever spinning out of control. In a place where less than 6% of the population is employed, six million people are dependent on emergency food supplies, and infant mortality has tripled since the 1990s, a corrupt diamond industry is the worst thing imaginable.

Clearly diamonds are still shrouded in misery, but they’ve never been more popular. To no one’s surprise, the diamond industry is currently suffering like everyone else due to the financial crisis, but if the ring fingers of my colleagues are any indication, traditional engagement rings are as popular as ever.

While the mining end of the industry is troubling, the American end isn’t exactly nothing but sunshine. Perhaps nowhere else are our expectations of women lower. My jaw dropped at a recent visit to www.diamonds.com. Under the pages “For Women Only” and “For Men Only” disgusting stereotypes about men, women, and relationships were paraded one after the other. The women’s page was all about how to get a man to propose, or more specifically, how to get a man to propose with a big, fat, diamond ring.

It shocks me that we are still here. That still, in the 21^st century, it is expected that the man will propose, and it’s the woman’s job to manipulate him into doing so, for heaven forbid she propose herself. The tips in this section range are laughably absurd (“respond to everything with ‘that has a nice ring to it’”) but the sad truth is many women buy into this kind of thinking. I asked a coworker recently how long she and her boyfriend had been together, and her response was a smirk and “Too long to not be engaged.” I asked why she didn’t just propose herself and she looked at me as though I had six heads.

The “For Men Only” section was just as bad. From the picture of a dazed, confused, and slightly terrified fellow (because all men are thus struck at the idea of marriage and diamond buying) to the tip that “a diamond gets you out of the doghouse” the page would make me laugh if it wasn’t serious. Of course, this is a diamond website, so it can be expected to proudly perpetuate the lowest common denominator. Still, I am convinced this kind of thinking is well ingrained in many an American brain.

I think jewelry is lovely. I have spent many a daydream on thoughts of a white-dress, sparkly-ring, one-knee nature. And actually, let me just say here and now that I actually like tradition when it comes to cultural ritual. But even traditions need to evolve and change with the times, and I think the American culture of the diamond ring is falling far behind. If a man wants to propose with an African-mined, De Beers diamond, that’s fine by me (so long as it was truly conflict and child-labor free). But the societal insistence that this be the only way to embark on an engagement is ridiculous. Every person is unique, every relationship is certainly unique, and we should have engagement traditions enough to go around.